400 Million AdultFriendFinder Accounts Hacked Because Of Stupid Passwords

For the longest time, my Facebook password was “potatoesarethebesthoorayforpotatoes.” While potatoes are, obviously, the best, it was a horrible password to type when I was on my phone and I wound up getting locked out of my account more times than I could count.

But at the end of the day, which would you prefer: getting locked out of your account because your password is too complex, or having your account hacked because your password is “123456”? It’s 2016 — the only reason to make that your password is if you’re TRYING to get hacked, yet any hacker with even a lick of common sense would know to stay away from an account with such an idiotic password. If it’s too easy there’s probably a reason for it, which is why all your friends cheered you on in 10th grade when you popped your cherry with the local floozy, only to find out that SURPRISE! She gave you the clap and your friends were applauding all night long at your expense. 

This doesn’t apply for the users at AdultFriendFinder though, as anyone with a simple password over there is simply an idiot. According to Mashable, their most recent data breach happened this past October with more than 400 million accounts from the past 20 years being leaked. Oh, and just because you don’t need the Internet to find adult friends doesn’t mean your information wasn’t leaked as well — user info from Stripshow.com, Cam.com and Penthouse.com also got dumped online. A sad, sad day for the millions of people looking to fuck without having to leave comfort of their own home.

And, in an unbelievably dumb case of hindsight being 20/20, the top three most used passwords were all complete garbage. As in, that joke I made earlier about your password being “123456”? Yeah, that wasn’t a joke — that was one of the top passwords revealed in the hack, right up there with “12345” for the lazy, and “123456789” for the overzealous. The top four through twelve are just variations on those passwords, though number thirteen breaks the cycle by simply being “pussy.”

In a statement to Mashable, Friend Finder networks confirmed their security vulnerabilities, but neglected to specify whether or not the hack had occurred, instead stating the following:

“Immediately upon learning this information, we took several steps to review the situation and bring in the right external partners to support our investigation. Our investigation is ongoing but we will continue to ensure all potential and substantiated reports of vulnerabilities are reviewed and if validated, remediated as quickly as possible. 

“FriendFinder takes the security of its customer information seriously and is in the process of notifying affected users to provide them with information and guidance on how they can protect themselves. We will provide further updates as our investigation continues.”

Sorry AdultFriendFinder, but if people really gave a shit about “protecting themselves” online, they wouldn’t make their passwords “12345.” It’s not 1995. We know better. The fact of the matter is that we’re just lazy, and anyone using that password deserves to get hacked. Eventually you gotta quit babysitting your kid and let the schoolyard bully kick sand in his face so he learns the harsh truth of life — or, in this case, let your randy grandma have her account hacked so that bitch learns not to use dumb passwords. Sorry Gertrude, but it’s a hard knock life for the rest of us too. What, you think being 80 and cooking delicious pies gave you an immunity? Fuck outta here with that weak shit, I ain’t visiting again until your password has at least one capital letter and one special character, AT MINIMUM.

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