"Alexa, please sleep with me."—People Want To Smash With Digital Assistants

If you’re looking for another sign of the downfall of civilization, people are starting to develop sexual feelings for their digital voice assistants.


According to a recent report, people are starting to develop a strong desire to bone their Alexa, Siri, Cortana, or whatever other disembodied voices that live in a plastic electronic box they might own.

The report says “Over a third (37%) of regular voice technology users say that they love their voice assistant so much that they wish it were a real person,” it continues. “Even more astonishing is that more than a quarter of regular voice technology users say they have had a sexual fantasy about their voice assistant.”

Now before you start judging these people and throwing out comparisons to the movie “Her,” you should know that developing sexual feelings for A.I. women is pretty normal. In fact, here is a complete list of digital assistants that I’ve wanted to bang over the years.

The Instructor From NES Dance Aerobics

She’s physically fit, helpful and made of pixels. As a man that loves all things retro, you can’t blame me for developing strong sexual desires directed at this leotard wearing 8-bit woman.

The Female Voice From My Garmin Nuvi

I’m terrible with directions and if you sent me into the woods with a map and a compass I would surely die, which is why I can’t help but want to bone the female voice that reads the directions on my Garmin Nuvi GPS unit. The sultry way she says “turn right at the stop sign” makes me stop and say “whoa, I really want to have sex with this GPS unit.”

Sega’s Seaman

The weird talking frog creature from Sega’s one-off experimental game series Seaman understands me in a very real way. If it was a flesh and blood person then you can be sure I’ll be at the front of the line to have sex with it.

The Blue Screen Of Death

Now I know this technically isn’t an A.I. but after the blue screen of death has screwed us over so many times, it’d be nice to get revenge on it by having sex with it.

Would you have sex with a real, humanoid Alexa? Let us know in the comments.

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