Ask A Hottie: I'm Stalking My Ex And I Don't Know Why She Won't Get Back With Me

Welcome to Ask a Hottie, Break’s weekly column in which a 6.5 pretends she’s finally hatched out of her cocoon and spread her beautiful wings into an 8. And because I’m feeling nostalgic and am required (by law…aka The Man In Charge) to include a photo of myself:

That’s from back in college when my hair was a normal color. How boring.

But you know what isn’t boring? Today’s question, in which someone asks a completely normal question but accidentally outs himself for stalking his ex-girlfriend. Fun fun!

Do you have a question for our resident 6.5? Email it to!

Q: I met Ashley two years ago during college. From the moment we met we hit it off very well, and that honeymoon phase of our relationship never seemed to die out. Life was great.

After time, though, we started having problems. I have depression which kept me from finishing school, and had trouble keeping or finding a job as well. Ashley helped me through all of it at first: paying my bills, keeping the apartment tidy, cooking for me, laundry, things like that. But as time went on she began to resent me, and about six months ago she said I wasn’t going anywhere in life and that she didn’t see a future for us.

Ashley moved out and I fell apart, but the idea of winning her back gave me the motivation to better myself. I would see her at coffee shops or out shopping with her friends, and I would remember all the good times we had and that if I could just get my life together, we could go back to that. Sometimes I would see her with some guy, but I never thought anything of it because they weren’t very affectionate with each other; Ashley also is not into public displays of affection.

Last night I worked up the courage to contact Ashley. I told her that I’ve found a job, that I’m much better than I was a few months ago and that I’d like to try and make things work again.

Ashley was quiet. After a long pause she told me that she’d met someone new and that they were pretty serious. Then she hung up.

I went on her Facebook and just as I suspected, it’s the same guy she’s been hanging out with lately. She even deleted all the old photos we had together.

What do I do? I know if she would just give me a chance we’d be perfect together again, but how do I make her see that?


A: We’re not going to start out with how shitty of a boyfriend you most likely were while you were depressed. We’re not going to start out with how Ashley isn’t obligated to date you now that you have your shit together. Hell, we’re not even going touch on the fact that you’re looking at your relationship with her through rose tinted glasses.

Bro, you need to stop stalking this girl.

Feel free to throw me another email where you explain how I would see her at coffee shops or out shopping with her friends, or sometimes I would see her with some guy don’t mean that you’re stalking her. Tell me I’m an illiterate boob who kn’t reed gud or that you meant you’d run her while you’re out with friends. Because to me, everyone reading this, and Ashley if she’s ever so unlucky as to spot you hiding behind a bush with a camera in one hand and your dick in the other, it really sounds like you’re obsessively stalking her.

Which, to be fair, is cool on the Internet — stalk away, my creepy friend! Hit up that Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/Twitch/Tumblr as much as you like my friend. Is it sad and pathetic? Yes! But is it significantly less creepy? Yes again! Just don’t print out anything and hang it on your wall, because that’ll push us into Buffalo Bill territory again.

But let’s assume that you’re not stalking her (which you totally are, don’t deny it just stop it.) How do you get Ashley back?

Short answer: You don’t.

Long answer: You still don’t. You said that while you were out being depressed and not going anywhere in life, Ashley helped me through all of it at first: paying my bills, keeping the apartment tidy, cooking for me, laundry, things like that — you realize that’s basically everything in life except for breathing, right? And had you asked, poor girl probably would’ve gotten down on her knees and started giving you mouth-to-mouth had you said “I just really don’t feel like using my lungs today. Tryna help this depressed boy out m’lady?”

Aside from washing you in the tub like a helpless infant, it sounds like Ashley did everything she could for you so that you wouldn’t have to, and then you STILL went and did nothing with your life. Can you blame her for not sticking around? It sucks that you got your shit together after she left, but I get where she’s coming from — I know what it’s like to carry the other person through a relationship. It’s not fun. When she looks at you now, she doesn’t see the non-depressed guy she once dated, she sees the worthless sack of shit who laid in bed all day while she paid for everything, cleaned everything and got nothing back in return. To put it bluntly: it’s not your fault you were depressed, but fuck you for thinking that she’d want you back after all she did for you.

It’s funny when Charlie says it, but you? Not so much.

Being depressed isn’t your fault, nor is it something you can just snap out of — but don’t expect the people around you to stay if they don’t see you at least trying to make an effort. Take what happened with Ashley as a lesson, and while you’re at it go ahead and delete her off all your social media — that thing I said about how stalking online is ok? It is, but not when you’re trying to get over someone. Clicking through all 2,187 of her tagged photos is not a good way to get over someone. Neither is following her around town, but we’re gonna start out with baby steps here; maybe up your stalking distance to 50 yards instead of 50 feet and we’ll see how it goes.

Do you have a question for our resident 6.5? Email it to!


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