Ask A Hottie Vol. 12: I Am Bisexual And Want To Experiment But Boyfriend Said No

Welcome to “Ask A Hottie,” Break’s weekly column in which my self esteem is slowly broken down over a period of several months from the commenters telling me how ugly I am. Well I’ve got news for you all: bring it. You cannot possibly say worse than I have already heard, and in fact I invite you to drop the meanest insult you can on me — winner gets nothing but the satisfaction of knowing I cried myself to sleep that night.

2nd place prize: a private live stream of me crying in bed every night. 

And because I believe in fairness and playing on a level field, here’s this week’s photo:

Go wild.

Do you have a question for our soon-to-be clinically depressed “hottie”? Send it to!

Q: I am a 27-year-old woman who has been dating my current boyfriend since my freshman year of college. We have been together for nine years and get along almost perfectly.


I am bisexual. When I first got to college my plans were to explore the side of myself that likes women, and then eventually settle down with someone after graduation and live my life. However, I met and started dating my boyfriend during my first semester as a freshman and did not get a chance to sleep with any women.

I love my boyfriend. I don’t want to hurt him or to lose him, but I also want to explore this other side of myself before I get settled down. He has said in the past that he could deal with me hooking up with girls as long as it didn’t mean anything, but his body language hinted that he was only saying that to make me happy and that he wasn’t being sincere.

I am worried that if I never experiment with women now and wait to see what happens with my boyfriend it will eventually be too late, but I also do not want to hurt my boyfriend. What do I do?


A: You need to decide what is more important to you: chasing random strange, or your boyfriend.

I’d hope, HOPE that your answer is “boyfriend,” because why else waste NINE FUCKING YEARS TOGETHER if he’s not actually important to you? To put that into perspective, most marriages are shorter than your relationship. When you guys began dating I was 15 and just getting my learner’s permit. Your relationship has lived longer than every dog I’ve owned (PSA: I am not a good pet owner and am no longer allowed within 150 feet of any adoption shelter.)

The catch here, of course, is that having been dating for so long forces you into one of two categories: break up and make up for lost time, or commit forever and ever. There is no middle ground; after nine years you can no longer say your relationship is “casual” or “just for fun” — you guys are either in it to win it or about to burst into flames and crash, which is where I come in.

This is your life on Rebecca advice, which is only marginally better than what it’s like currently.

I say to stick with your boyfriend.

You know the saying that “the grass is greener on the other side”? It’s true. I’ve been in shitty relationships where I had the incredible urge to fuck someone else, then got out of the shitty relationship, THEN went and fucked whatever dude I was quietly lusting after and realized “Oh wait…this dude sucks worse than the last one. Totes screwed the pooch here, damn.” Trust me: it’s not worth it. In fact it’s probably never worth it, because generally the expectation we build up in our minds of what we think something will be like rarely ever matches up with reality. That’s why I keep my expectations at rock-bottom levels at all times; I am never disappointed (but very rarely happy.)

Either permanently unhappy or a sociopath — I’m okay with both. 

But I will admit that this situation is slightly different, although not so much that my advice doesn’t apply: I don’t feel like I’m missing out on experiencing a part of “myself” by not fucking random dudes. You, however, do feel that way from not experimenting with women.  

Sadly, this is one of those “You can’t have your cake and eat it too” situations. You need to decide what’s more important to you: exploring your bisexual side or your boyfriend. And while no, I don’t necessarily empathize with the whole “There’s a part of me missing that I need to find!” aspect of your current sexual urges, realize that if you DO break up with your boyfriend and DO run around chasing pussy like a dog off his leash, you won’t get him back. Ever. And on the off chance that you do, you really don’t deserve him.

There’s nothing wrong with breaking up with your boyfriend and exploring your sexuality. There’s nothing wrong with NOT breaking up with your boyfriend and NOT exploring your sexuality. But you need to commit to one or the other without looking back, because I’m telling you right now: the looking back aspect is what will fuck your head up should you come to regret your decision.

Pick your boyfriend or pick pussy, but don’t yourself sit in this halfway state between wanting both.

Do you have a question for our soon-to-be clinically depressed “hottie”? Send it to!


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