There are three parts to tonight’s Bachelor in Paradise: the wedding of Carly and Evan, a discussion of the situation that caused the production shutdown, and then a normal segment of the show. If you are upset by the discussion of an alleged sexual assault, I urge you to think carefully before watching this episode (if you haven’t already) or reading that part of this recap. Your mental health is much more important than knowing what happens on this episode. If you are currently struggling in the aftermath of a sexual assault, you can call RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 800-656-4673.
Part 1: Carly and Evan Get Married
Thankfully, the wedding special kicks off with a recap of who TF Carly and Evan are, since I missed their seasons. Carly is a singer who cried on the beach. Evan is “in the business of erectile dysfunction” and fought with someone named Chad. Carly’s eyebrows are, uh, ambitious, in their quest to dominate her face.
Apparently Evan FAKED HIS OWN DEATH to get Carly’s attention, which is…I mean, I’m sure he was doing it as a joke, but that’s a terrifying tactic—to make someone think that you’ll die if they leave you. He proposed by asking, “Will you freakin’ marry me?” but, sadly, did not proceed to do a kickflip and ollie away.
Now there’s a montage of couples of old; we’re throwing it all the way back to Trista and Ryan, the only good couple to come out of this franchise, TBH.
(I just checked Twitter, and for the first time since I started recapping, the show isn’t trending in my feed during the episode. Hmm, I wonder what happened today that people want to talk about instead?)
Nick and Vanessa (from The Bachelor, not Nick and Vanessa Lachey) arrive at the wedding, looking as unenthused as ever. I notice that one of Carly’s bridesmaids is pregnant. And then I realize that it’s Jade, at whose wedding Nick and Liz had sex. And now I’m furiously Googling, “How much info can the brain hold?” because if mine gets any fuller with Bach info I’m scared what may happen.
“He’s a weird, crazy, quirky, wonderful, deep, compassionate person.” –
Carly about Evan
No shade, but Ashley I. kinda looks like if Emily Ratajkowski did her makeup drunk. (Both are gorgeous. This is just, ya know, a harmless general observation.)
Some stuff that’s happening at this wedding: aggressive flower crowns, a wooden recorder, Evan crying, a lotta unbuttoned shirts on the menfolk.
“You look so beautiful. I love you.” – Evan to Carly
I have nothing catty to say about their vows. They love each other! They get each other! They make each other laugh! Carly makes a Friends reference (“you’re my lobster”)!
A Mexican shaman and his wife arrive to perform a ritual marriage ceremony. I wish we had more context for this. It’s great to learn about other cultures’ wedding traditions, but it feels a little random thrown in for 10 seconds? I’d like to understand the significance of the smoke and the feathers.
One of the twins says that Carly got her “happily Evan after.” That pretty much sums it up.
Part 2: The Corinne-DeMario Debrief
We’re headed to Paradise, sans Corinne and DeMario. The narrative has skipped through last week’s cliffhanger and the days of the shutdown; we’re back in the cabanas with the remaining contestants. But first, Chris is conducting a group…chat-sesh? “A serious talk,” he says.
Chris says (paraphrased): Warner Brothers hired a firm, they looked at the footage and talked to everyone, and they concluded nothing bad happened between cast members.
The contestants essentially agree. The consensus here is that the controversy was blown out of proportion; the media misunderstood what the producers do; and no one did anything wrong. Derek explains that the producers don’t manipulate or “puppet-master” the contestants. Taylor points out that she doesn’t drink alcohol and has never been pressured to drink by the production.
Diggy brings up the racial aspect: DeMario is a black man who will now be forever linked to unseemly allegations. Chris asks the cast if they think race “played a part in this” (what is “this”?), and some of them nod and solemnly say “yes.” Then we cut to commercial.
Here, I’d like to reiterate what I said in my recap of last night’s episode: We don’t know what happened, and we don’t need to know. We are not entitled to more information about what transpired between Corinne and DeMario.
Even if none of the alleged incidents crossed the line in this case, we do know that there are, definitely, many, many women and people of all genders out there who have been hurt by sexual assault. And one, effective way to support them is to process our country’s massive backlog of untested rape kits. You can learn how to support that effort here.
Aaaaaand we’re back. To talk more about race. Raven and Jasmine speak eloquently about how black men are often unfairly punished for interacting with (or even existing near) white women. They also state that they did not slut-shame Corinne—but then they go in on Corinne’s statement, calling it vague and from a lawyer. Danielle even says that she claimed to be “a victim” to “save face.” Raven brings up her own sexual assault in an abusive relationship and hopes that “this” doesn’t deter “actual victims” from coming forward (hmmm).
Now we’re doing Consent 101: verbal consent is best, nonverbal consent also exists (but please try to get the verbal one), and you need to have consent throughout. An unconscious person cannot give consent; a too-drunk person cannot give consent. All true!
Last week, I wanted the show to take a moment to talk about consent. I’m glad they did, though this cursory overview feels inadequate. At the same time, if your consent education is entirely comprised of points brought up on Bachelor in Paradise, you need to educate yourself (and also, I’m not surprised, because the American education system does a lousy job of teaching this).
Part 3: Back to Paradise
Well, they didn’t fly all the way back to Mexico just to talk about race and then go home again, so the contestants unanimously agree that Paradise is BACK ON. With Lacey!
In gender-segregated groups, everyone recaps who they like and how they think the roses will play out. Apparently, Dean and Kristina went on a road trip during the production shutdown. Taylor cries. She was definitely the type of kid who would go to slumber parties but then have her mom pick her up right before everyone went to sleep so she could wake up in her own bed.
“Every action that I’ve made so far has been in pursuit of a rose with
her.” – Alex
Maybe they’re being given an unfair edit, but Alex and Amanda seem like two of the most boring people on this show. Alex says “de-conflicting,” which is not a word. Apparently, Amanda has two children. Huh!
This is what Amanda makes me think of:
Alex pulls Amanda aside to more or less beg her for/pressure her into giving him a rose. And she’s like, “it’s a friendship rose.”
Lacey is wandering around being annoyed that she doesn’t have a guy. (Me AF.)
Our apparent leader, Raven, leads the group down to Taylor and Derek to present them with their date card.
Lacey is crying.
Derek and Taylor go on a candlelit “Dia De Los Muertos”-themed dinner date…even though that holiday is in October.
Dean and Kristina (Deantina?) cuddle. It rains.
Derek and Taylor spend the night together.
Jasmine cries because she wants to party and Matt wants to sleep.
Dean and Kristina have a weird, tense talk.
This show is putting me to sleep.
With minutes left in the episode, some unseen guy arrives. There is no rose ceremony. The “this season” promo is expectedly crazy; the highlight is definitely Taylor talking about her “emotional piggy bank.” Dean cries!
Parting Thoughts: Next week’s episode is on Tuesday because of football.