Black Friday Survival: 10 Post-Apocalyptic Movies For You To Learn From


Imagine yourself on Thanksgiving night; you’re bursting with turkey and pie. But all you want to do is curl up on the couch, watch Trains, Planes, and Automobiles and drift into calm, peaceful oblivion…but then you remember you came home for Thanksgiving and your mom is a nutcase who likes fighting other psychos for cheap microwaves the following morning. Suddenly, you’re yanked from your serene holiday and thrust into a shopping mall wasteland where marauders are eager to tear you limb from limb. If you want any hope of living through the darkest of holidays, you’re going to need these tips. Here are 10 post-apocalyptic movies to help you survive black friday. Planes will have to wait until later.

10.  Turbo Kid

On Black Friday, it’s all about the hot toy. If you nab that, you’re king. Same goes in Turbo Kid. Once the titular Kid gets his hands on the Megaman Buster-like super weapon, he’s a force to be reckoned with. Blowing off heads and limbs like they were tissue paper, he proves that if you’ve got a good weapon at your side, you can survive anything.

9. Zombieland

In the chaos of hundreds of shoppers vying for the same VHS/DVD combo, discipline is essential in making it out intact. Just like the rules in Zombieland, stick to your training and you might stay alive. Cardio. Beware of Bathrooms. Limber Up. Don’t Be A Hero, all useful tools in both the zombie apocalypse, and your local JCPenney.

8. Wall-E

There’s a good chance by the time you hit the food court to refuel, most of the mall will be a structurally compromised garbage mountain. Luckily, no one is better at navigating through towers of trash like Wall-E. Learn from this plucky little robot and soon you’ll be weaving through all the gelatinous, motor scooter bound shoppers on your way to the exit.

7. The Road

It’s best to learn this now, much like The Road, Black Friday will be a depressing journey into your darkest instincts. Trust no one. Fear everything. And even if you manage to snag that gift you were wanting, there’s a good chance you’ll lose a relative along the way to cannibals. Yeah, sorry to break it to you, but there’s no happy endings to be found here. Just pain, and remote controlled BB-8s.

6. Waterworld

It’s worth noting that no matter how you do Black Friday, it will be an expensive spectacle, and a Waterworld level disaster. Despite all the amazing deals, you’ll still spend way too much money and not get enough in return. By the end of the day, don’t be surprised if you’re so dehydrated that the thought of drinking your own urine starts to sound like your best option.

 



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