Believe it or not, crap television exists in every country. Even Spain has their own version of Jerry Springer and Judge Judy, except theirs is titled Caso Cerrado or Case Closed. And just like their good ol’ American counterparts, Caso Cerrado is just as insane, moronic and delightful to watch, regardless of how many brain cells you inadvertently kill:
(Full disclosure: I have not watched the whole episode. I just saw there was some fucking idiot dressed up as a clown for a televised court case and figured right off the bat that would be a good enough example of how similar Caso Cerrado and Judge Judy are. All they need are some wife beater tanks and a lawsuit about a damaged pickup truck and we’re set.)
Which brings us to today’s case: Tania and Alejandro are getting divorced. Alejandro says he is divorcing Tania because he thinks she boned her adoptive mother. “I am here to sue this shameless tramp,” he says to host Ana Maria Polo. “I demand a divorce and I’d like to have her removed from the deed to my apartment. I caught her having sex with her supposed ‘mother’ on the night of our honeymoon.” Alejandro further claims that Tania avoided having sex with him on their honeymoon and the he walked in on her adopted mother “penetrating” her with a dildo.
Bruh if you’re gonna go on television to try and get a quickie divorce, don’t roll in hot with some garbage story that a middle school kid fresh out of sex ed would’ve come up with. This is like Bill Clinton saying “No, I did not have sexual relations with that woman. She put my pee-pee in her mouth and then it was donezo.”
It turns out, however, that the real reason Alejandro wants a divorce is because Tania is lacking a vagina. Called Rokitansky Syndrome, people who suffer from this condition have an underdeveloped (or completely missing) vagina and uterus. They do not get their periods and most people are diagnosed by the time they are 16.
“I’m not like other women. I was born without a vagina,” Tania explains. “I was born with Rokitansky syndrome. It’s a congenital abnormality where a woman’s vagina is either extremely small or non-existent. In my case it was non-existent.”
“After having surgery. I dreamed of giving myself to him as his wife. I know he has needs and as his wife, it’s my duty to meet those needs,” she explained. “It was awful I couldn’t handle the pain. I started crying and totally freaked out. I felt mad at myself for failing as a woman. I wanted to satisfy him.”
This is apparently where Tania’s mother came in with the dildo, as she was attempting to help widen Tania’s vagina in order to make it easier for when she finally popped her cherry later that night. Why Alejandro has to go and be an idiot and claim his wife is sleeping with her mother instead of using the actual explanation is beyond me, but maybe there’s a maximum IQ barrier that you can’t cross if you want to be on television and Alejandro was just trying to make weight.
Fucking fame-thirsty morons.
In the end, Ana Maria Polo wound up granting Alejandro’s request for a divorce.
Would you divorce your wife is her vagina suddenly disappeared? Let us know in the comments!