Guy Wearing Perfect Shirt For DUI Arrest Does Not Disappoint.

In what is one of the most expected news items of 2017, a man wearing a “Hold My Beer And Watch This” shirt was arrested for crashing his car into a graveyard earlier this week. Was this hero of men drunk when he drove his car straight into a field filled with skeletons? I don’t know, you tell me.

I mean, clearly.

But what if we’re judging Harrison Wootton too harshly? He was probably drunk when he rammed his car into a graveyard, but he could also have been …

Preemptively Stopping A Zombie Apocalypse

When Harrison drove his car through a cemetery, maybe he wasn’t drunk at all. Maybe he received some information telling him when and where the zombie apocalypse was going to start and that place the the dead were going to rise from the ground and start devouring the flesh of the living was a Hartford, Connecticut cemetery.

Maybe instead of being sloshed on grain alchohol, Harrison was the chosen one destined to prevent the end of the world. The news story in that case isn’t proof of a man’s poor decisions. Instead, it’s proof that by crashing his car into a graveyard, he, and humanity, won.

Protesting A Rising Dependency On Oil

There’s a chance that when Harrison glug-glugged a bunch of Champagne and cruised his automobile into a cemetery that he was really just protesting the world’s dependency on oil. Driving his car into a cemetery wasn’t crazy, it’s a metaphor for the eventual death of the fuel combustion engine driven by a man drunk on his own sense of superiority over nature (and also beer).

Harrison, your work of satire may have been lost on the news cycle, but it is not lost on me.

A Genius Of Character Based Comedy

Crashing your car into a cemetery while drunk and wearing a shirt that says Hold My Beer And Watch This” is hilarious. Almost TOO hilarious.  With SNL cast shake ups coming up in the next few months, there’s a chance Harrison is just an amazing sketch comedy actor working on his character audition for the next season of Lorne Michaels’ hit show.  Could “drunk man who crashes his cat into a cemetery” become SNL’s next hit recurring character? Will “Hold My Beer And Watch This” shirts become the David S Pumpkins suits of 2017? Will there be a hilarious film adoption called Hold My Beer And Watch This Movie?

The answer to all of those questions is a definite “no.” Dude was clearly unaware of the irony of the situation and very, very drunk.

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