You’ve likely seen, and perhaps participated in, the “Favorite Movie From Every Year You’ve Been Alive” meme all over Facebook at the moment, in which participants list their favorite movie from every year they’ve been alive. It’s important to note that the list is not a chronology of your favorite new releases DURING that year of your life. If you were born in 1985, no one expects that your favorite movie as a two-year-old was Platoon.
1997 is the best year for getting a good read on a person. What follows is an infallible guide to understanding a person on a deep level based solely off their favorite movie released in 1997.
This is the best film released in 1997. If this if your favorite film, you are a rational, normal, level-headed person who can tell up from down.
You were a girl in 10th grade in 1997. Or a gay man between the ages of 8 and 35. Or an executive at Fox entitled to a profit-based year-end bonus.
You can accurately name the guns used in most movies despite never having fired one. You do coke on New Year’s Eve with your boys. You’ve never seen Pulp Fiction or Reservoir Dogs.
MORTAL KOMBAT: ANNIHILATION
You are Princess Kitana from the Realm of Edenia and your favorite drink is Surge. You’ve seen Slipknot in concert. You’ve used gay slurs to describe Street Fighter players.
You get your internet connection at the local libraries from which you have not yet been banned. You make oatmeal with water in a microwave. You’ve stolen milk.
You wear creased pants. You got into a bar fight after it turned out Moonlight had won Best Picture. You are smart enough understand the plot of L.A. Confidential.
BATMAN AND ROBIN
You have a purple couch. You know the difference between amyl and butyl nitrate. You thought The Dark Knight should have been rated NC-17.
When you heard that one half of the Simpson/Bruckheimer team had died you were devastated to find out it wasn’t Jerry Bruckheimer. You’ve debated trying to outrun a cop before coming to your senses and taking the damn speeding ticket. You’ll drink water in a pinch but prefer Lo Carb Monster.
AUSTIN POWERS: INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY
You can do any accent in the world. You don’t get invited to many parties. You manage a paper company in Scranton.
You own an impressive t-shirt collection. You’re starting a podcast. You’re a virgin.
BEVERLY HILLS NINJA
You’re proud of the film’s overseas box office. You think Chris Farley did a good job with a middling script. You were Chris Farley’s agent in 1997.
You think Donnie took it a little easy on the Japanese guy in that scene where he beat him up to avoid having to take off his shoes. You still can’t understand the ending of The Sopranos even though it’s been explained to you several times. You have a tube of Brylcreem in your medicine cabinet.
Your favorite artist of all time is Selena. You would do anything for Selena. You are currently in jail for murdering Selena when you were president of her fan club.