How ISIS Is Running Innocent Americans Out Of Business

For literally two years now we’ve been at war with ISIS and it’s not even the war you’re thinking about.  ISIS the terrorist ass hats have been killing innocent people for just as long, but their stupid ass acronym of a name has been killing businesses all over the world for just as long in a strange, ignorant chain of no cause and plenty of effect.

Long before ISIS, which stands for Islamic State of Iraq and Syria existed, Isis was an ancient Egyptian goddess, a patron of mothers and of nature.  She was kind of an Earth spirit and mostly meant good things.  Everyone liked her, and her name was really popular until these terrorist jackholes came along.

Since co-opting the name, literally hundreds of companies worldwide have been forced over the past two years to change their identity due to negative association.  And you may think “but how could a women’s wellness clinic in Roswell, New Mexico ever be mistaken for a terrorist cell in Syria?”  Well, we have no answers but that doesn’t change the fact that the Isis Women’s Health Care of Roswell received so many death threats that management was forced to rebrand to save their employees the fear and aggravation of constant harassment from people with too much time on their hands.

Here’s just a quick list of all the Isis’ you’ll never see again.

  • Isis Pharmaceuticals changed to Ionis
  • Isis Nails in Queens became Bless Nails and Spa
  • ISIS Mobile banking app is now Softcard
  • Isis Books in Colorado is now Goddess Books and Gifts
  • ISIS Downtown apartment complex in Florida changed to 3 Thirty Three Downtown
  • Oxford School Isis Academy changed to the Oxford International Education Group
  • Isis Spa in Oakland is now Elyssium Advanced Skin Care
  • Isis Women’s Health Care in Roswell became Nile Women’s Health Care
  • Isis-ex computers is now Smart-Ex
  • U of Iowa’s Isis portal was changed to MyU
  • BMT Isis changed to BMT Cadence

If that’s not bad enough, even super spy Sterling Archer had to pack in the ISIS name and move to the CIA because of these jerks.  And rumor has it Isis the dog from Downton Abbey was also axed for the same reasons.  Producers deny it but the timing was very suspect.

There are over 230 businesses in the US and hundreds more around the world that make use of ISIS in their name.  Are the terrorists really winning by driving all these people to change their names? And what kind of jackass calls in death threats to a health clinic because of their name? 

Do you think an American business should change its name because terrorists started using the same name?  

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