Ahhh, Butte, Montana! Known for…known for…ahhh, Butte, Montana!
According to The Montana Standard, Clinton Sproles was arrested Saturday night in Butte, Montana “after a traffic stop for DUI refusal, driving with a revoked license and violating parole.”
Perhaps you’re wondering why a simple DUI would earn this man coverage on Break. There’s nothing impressive about a DUI. In fact, some people consider them shameful.
The DUI isn’t impressive on its own. But viewed in context, it’s amazing.
Mr. Sproles has 22 prior DUI convictions.
Not pulled over 22 times by the police. Not 22 times he’s driven drunk. Twenty-two CONVICTIONS.
By the way, here’s Clinton Sproles:
Aside from the pure stupidity and danger to the public, dude is wasting so much money that could be put toward being the biggest rock star in Montana since…
Let’s break down the costs from what we can reasonably project.
According to a survey at drivinglaws.org, average court costs and fees total is $1,900. That’s per DUI. $1,900 x 22 = $41,800.
The fine for 1st time DUI offenders in Montana is $600-$1,000. Let’s stick with the low end: $600.
The fine for a 2nd offense is $1,200-$2,000. Again, low end, $1,200.
The fine for 3rd offense and above is $2,500-$5,000. Twenty-two prior convictions minus 1st and 2nd offenses equals 20 remaining. Low end: 20 x $2,500 = $50,000.
Adding 1st and 2nd offense fines to the final 20, that’s a conservative estimate of $51,800 total for fines.
This is boring, here’s another photo:
For most people a DUI (or multiple) would result in much higher car insurance, but I’m assuming this guy isn’t calling Geico any time soon. We’re also assuming he didn’t have a big hit in loss of wages, because somehow I don’t see him holding down a job at the local flower shop very long.
There are other expenses that vary, such as bail and towing, but for our purposes we’ll stick with court costs, fees, and fines. For 22 convictions that estimate is $93,600.
NOW THE FUN PART
Let’s say you live in Butte, Montana and want to have a crazy night out. How much would that cost?
1. Ride In Style
We’re obviously getting a limo. US Luxury Limo in Butte charges $75/hour for a stretch limo with a 3 hour minimum weeknights and 4 hour minimum on the weekends. Clinton was arrested on Saturday night, so we’ll go with a 4 hour minimum.
1 night of renting a limo from 9pm-1am: $300
2. Hit The Club
Er, Saloon. The Silver Dollar Saloon on Main Street seems to be a popular place. According to Yelp they have $3.00 top shelf drinks.
You buy a few rounds for some ladies and when you cash out you’ve bought 20 drinks.
1 night of buying drinks: $60
3. Lap Dances
After you bought everyone drinks at The Silver Dollar Saloon and gave them what you thought were compliments they quickly disappeared. That’s ok – according to Yelp, the lap dances at Sagebrush Sam’s Gentlemen’s Club And Casino are $30.
You spend the rest of your night with beautiful Butte babes on your lap.
5 lap dances at Sagebrush: $150
For the price of 22 DUI convictions, you could be the coolest guy in Butte over 183 times.
Or, you know, call Uber or Lyft. It’s super cheap.