Is Human Waste Flavored Coca-Cola The Soft Drink We All need?

Last week, a Coca-Cola factory in Ireland halted production after several Coke cans were found filled to the brim with human waste. The factory had to shut down for nearly a day while all equipment was thoroughly scrubbed and sanitized.

Through this disaster, I must ask the following. Was this an accident, or is this a marketting campaign for Coca-Cola’s new brand of human waste flavored soft drinks? If it is the latter and not the former, I refuse to be left in the dust on this fad and I demand they send me a case of whatever this new product is.

Come on.

Would human waste flavored soft drinks be gross? Sure, but so was Mountain Dew Code Red. Much like Mountain Dew’s vague cherry-flavored swill of the early 2000s, it takes a few cases to decide if the drink is right for you. I don’t think a human waste based Coca-Cola would be good, but I don’t want to make that call without choking down a few.

I was late to the party with Amiibos, dabbing, and Snapchat. I didn’t pick up Pokemon Go until everyone in my neighborhood had stopped hunting Pokemon in the back alley behind the 7-11 near my house and started doing the mannequin challenge. I won’t let that happen with Coca-Cola’s new human waste flavored beverage. I just want to be relevant, and if I have to chug down a can of human waste to do it, then that is the price I am willing to pay.

Coca-Cola, if you’re reading this and you plan on releasing a drink that is both made of human waste and carbonated, mail a case to the Break offices care of Bryan Brown so I can be on the forefront of this new pop culture trend. If this wasn’t a branded content news story and you aren’t actually producing a human waste drink, then good for you. That’s a terrible idea for a product.

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