We know there’s a lot of tough, heavy issues going on in the world right now that are just dividing everyone and their grandmother but we have to stop for a minute and point out certain travesties in the world that are absolute, unarguably, undeniable BS to anyone with a pair of eyes.
People Magazine just named Jennifer Aniston “The Most Beautiful Woman In The World” and that’s clearly some horseshit.
What is this, Throwback Thursday? Is this just an old cover they decided to use from 1995 because the real cover just wasn’t ready? Was David Spade also named Most Promising Comedian too??
Listen, we know this is no big curveball for People Magazine, but it’s time we rise up and end the charade of having to see people like this given a title that’s clearly undeserved because there are more beautiful women that work at the downstairs Starbucks than Jennifer Aniston. Also they call her “The Gorgeous Girl Next Door…” in what neighborhood has she ever been “the girl next door”? This is THE Jennifer Aniston we’re talking about here, right? Not a librarian in Detroit that just happens to look like her with the same name…right??
So, the question is who the hell should’ve been named the Most Beautiful Woman in the World? I have a few ideas and I’M SURE YOU DO TOO. And I can assure you all that any of our options would be a better choice than Jennifer Aniston.
1. Barbara Palvin
Originally born in Budapest Hungary, you may never have heard of Palvin’s name before in your life AND THAT’S OKAY, PEOPLE MAGAZINE. She’s 22-years-old, a model and to be honest more beautiful than Jennifer Aniston.
2. Alyssa Arce
Playboy’s 2013 Playmate of the Year…an honor that clearly went to the right person. And more beautiful than Jennifer Aniston.
Were the last two girls too much of an unknown to make the cut? Let’s suggest a woman who took the internet by storm earlier this year after her boob flopped out during a live weather report. Sure, she’s not American but the title does say “IN THE WORLD”.
4. Alison Brie, Kaley Cuoco or Hayden Panettiere
Fine, People Magazine might prefer a television actress. Try any of these three. There’s like 200 more we could name as well but we didn’t wanna get all worked up at the workplace. I got Phil Haney next to me and that would just be weird.
5. Helen Mirren
Friggin’-a, HELEN MIRREN! Sure, this seems like a joke but just look at this photo. And Helen Mirren is 70-years-old! If People wanted to REALLY be diverse, we could do you one better by replacing Aniston’s 47-year-old face and raise you someone who’s officially a senior citizen. A pretty hot one at that!
The real question is…WHO WOULD YOU PUT ON PEOPLE MAGAZINE’S COVER FOR “MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD”? We might take your answers and turn them into a gallery so we can all celebrate our favorites with the door closed.