Taylor Swift was wrong, people: It turns out we can have nice things. In fact, the Reputation singer/snake ally is about to receive a very nice thing herself…from someone very surprising: Kim Kardashian, her tabloid nemesis. Yup.
What the hell am I talking about, you ask? No, I’m not being facetious. I’m not Khloé Kardashian trolling everyone about my pregnancy by gushing about lip-kit “babies.” I’m dead serious. Kim Kardashian is about to send Taylor Swift a present—one of her new fragrances, to be exact—and all because Swift is one of her haters.
It’s twisted logic, I know, but this is Kim Kardashian we’re talking about. She goes to McDonald’s in thousand-dollar Yeezy outfits. She “dies” if Chipotle doesn’t give her enough ice in her Diet Coke. She once wore this wig on Keeping Up With the Kardashians and talked in a Southern accent just for shits and giggles. Nothing she does should be surprising anymore.
But back to the gift: Kim posted a list to Snapchat of all the “lovers” and “haters” she’s planning on sending her new fragrances to. She has three scents: BFF (which is pink), BAE (blue), and Ride or Die (purple), and everyone on her list was assigned a color.
The “Ride or Dies” are written on purple sticky notes, and they include Jennifer Lawrence, Chrissy Teigen, and Paris Hilton—the usual suspects. The “BFFs” are in pink and include Kourtney Kardashian and Kendall Jenner—again, typical.
But it’s the celebrities in blue—the “BAES,” a.k.a. her “haters”—that are noteworthy. Here’s whom she included: Sarah Michelle Geller, Janice Dickinson, Chloë Grace Moretz, Pink, Bette Midler, Chelsea Handler, Piers Morgan, Naya Rivera, Blac Chyna, Wendy Williams, Sharon Osbourne, and Taylor Alison Swift.
“I’m going to send them to my lovers, to my haters, [and] to everyone I think of, because it’s Valentine’s Day, after all,” Kim says in the Snapchat. Take a look at this hit list for yourself, below:
I’m confused. Was Kim not flattered by all the sweet things Swift said about her on Reputation? Does she not remember the time Handler said Keeping Up With the Kardashians gets “good ratings”? Why is she trying to give Piers Morgan more press?
Her motivation for this is unclear. Maybe Kim has a sudden appreciation for Hocus Pocus or is watching old episodes of Glee and feeling nostalgic. Maybe she wants a DVD of Chloë Grace Moretz’s incredible work in Big Momma’s House 2. Who the hell knows? Either way, it’s happening: Soon everyone who has picked a fight with the Kardashians—either imaginary, in the tabloids, or in real life—is about to receive a giant heart-shaped bottle with Kim’s name on it. Delicious.
Do you hear that? That’s the sound of T-Swift writing a new song called “Perfume.”