Matt Lauer Is A Sexual Deviant, Really Sorry

Matt Lauer


When we woke up yesterday, we found out that Matt Lauer had been fired by NBC for “inappropriate sexual behavior“. That was definitely one way to say it. Another way to say it, was what we found out when a Variety article dropped yesterday afternoon. We learned that Lauer liked to pull his dick out. We learned that Lauer liked sending random staffers dildos and telling them how he’d like to use it on them. We learned that Lauer had a button in his office that locked women inside. We learned that NBC was cool for it for a while because Today had great ratings. This morning, Matt Lauer is really sorry.



Here’s the full transcript if you haven’t pivoted to video yet:

“There are no words to express my sorrow and regret for the pain I have caused others by words and actions. To the people I have hurt, I am truly sorry. As I am writing this I realize the depth of the damage and disappoint I have left behind at home and at NBC. Some of what is being said about me is untrue or mischaracterized, but there is enough truth in these stories to make me feel embarrassed and ashamed. I regret that my shame is now shared by the people I cherish deeply,” the former Today anchor wrote. “Repairing the damage will take a lot of time and soul searching and I am committed to beginning that effort. It is now my full-time job.” Lauer, who was fired from NBC News after a swift internal investigation, added, “The last two days have forced me to take very hard look at my own troubling flaws. It’s been humbling. I am blessed to be surrounded by people I love. I thank them for their patience and grace.”

Basically, as it always goes with these apologies, he’s just sorry he got caught and is said he can’t hit his rape button and show young woman trying to do her job a dildo. But like, imagine having a rape button and thinking you’re cool and everyone in the office loves you. Wild.

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