Mom Walks In On Cannibal Son Chowin' Down On Beheaded Seven-Year-Old Child

Would you devour human flesh if you had no other choice? You might be sitting there, defiantly shaking your head no because you’re a hardcore vegan and even the idea of swallowing cum makes your insides churn (because the number of vegans who read this website is just SO LARGE), but if push ever came to shove I think you’d cave. Deserted island? No animals? No local edible plants to play farmer with? That’s a bummer. Good thing your pal Jenny is 300 lbs., now choke her in her sleep and start eating a leg; her mass should last you through the winter.

But what if Jenny was a 300 lb. child? Yeah gross, who lets their kid hit 300 lbs., but that’s not my point — I hate kids and I’m all for knocking them off one by one, but come on. She’s just a kid. We gotta draw a line somewhere, right?

Keyword here being “most.”

Sadly, I wasn’t around to draw the line for Nazim Miyan, a mid-20s man from India who’s been accused of luring seven-year-old Mohammad Monis indoors and eating him. Monis was reportedly minding his own business, playing outside of his house with other nearby kids when Nazim drew him into one of his relative’s homes. Neighbors saw the boy enter, became concerned and called police.

That’s when shit hit the fan.

“The body was lying on the floor with the decapitated head beside it. The skin on the abdomen was missing and internal body parts and bloodstains were scattered across the room,” one police officer told the Hindustan Times. Hopefully I don’t need to point out how fucked up this is — there are starving children in Africa. There are starving kids in India. There are people starving fucking everywhere and this bitch goes and doesn’t even finish his dinner? Yeah he murdered a child, but what’s done is done; the kid is dead. Might as well finish what you started, otherwise the whole thing was just a waste. Nazim was found sitting near the corpse, however, so maybe he was taking a breather before diving back into his newfound buffet. If you eat too much at once it makes it hard to pound it down later, so smart move on his part (minus the whole murder/getting arrested/cannibalism aspect.)

Amateur move, Patrick.

After his arrest, the local community reportedly gathered outside the police station and tried to attack Nazim, demanding that he be killed for his crime. I’m not sure if he should be killed, but when I was growing up my parents would force me to eat everything off my dinner plate, even if I didn’t like it. I propose we do the same for Nazim and make him finish eating the kid.

Charged with murder and abduction, Nazim reportedly gave gibberish answers when questioned by police. What, did you expect him to recite Shakespeare and write a bunch of haikus? Dude is nuttier than a Bernie supporter; vote Nazim 2020.


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