People who Swear More Are Smarter; & The History of "F***" Explains Why!

Note: this being an article on the subject of swearing, it may require me to at times reluctantly make use of certain swear words. Some of these words may be partially censored to maintain propriety and’s high standards of proper language.

It’s been recently reported that research carried out at UC San Diego has discovered that there’s a link between swearing and high levels of intelligence.  As someone who swears like a f***ing sailor, my first thought was “well, s***, I could have f***ing told you that!”

The study, conducted by Kristin and Timothy Jay, ( found that there was a link between swearing and knowledge of vocabulary, and verbal fluency. People who swear more tend to have a greater understanding of how to apply words, and to get verbal nuance.

This pretty much seems to f***ing fly right in the m*********ing face of all the complete a******s who think swearing means you’re stupid.  As I’ve often told them, they’re the f***ing d******s for saying so. Bunch of f***ing historical, cultural and grammatical ignorants!

There’s a very basic reason why you have to be smart to swear: first, you have to know when to f***ing swear. You have to be able to pick up on the g****** “ambiance of the room”, if you f***ing will, to see if people will laugh, get mad (of course, maybe you WANT them to get f***ing p***ed at you!), or act like a bunch of f***ing p*****s needing a f***ing fainting couch or something.

Second, you even need intelligence, specifically verbal intelligence, to know HOW to swear. That’s because swears are some of the most f***ing fluid words of the English language, some of the most complex, and you have to be able to almost instinctively know when and how the f*** to apply them. 

Let’s take the greatest of all swear words in English, for starters: F***.

The word f*** can be applied into a variety of grammatical forms, in a number of different contexts, and to express a f***ton of different ideas.

The word takes it origin around 15th century, and most likely was imported from the f***ing Scandinavians, whose words ‘fukka’ or ‘focka’ mean pretty much the same thing that ‘f***’ originally meant, namely… well, f***ing.

And it pretty much only meant that, just f***ing in the reproductive sense, until around the late 18th century. We know from criminal records that by the 1830s people being accused of misconduct were using “f***” to express that anger which f*** is sooo f***ing good at transmitting to total f***wads who utterly f***ing deserve it.  According to the book “Holy Sh*t: A Brief History of Swearing”, one Mary Hamilton was charged with obscene conduct when she told a group of women on the street that they could “go f*** themselves”, and this was is the earliest record of that now-classic form of insult.

By the late 1800s, you also see f*** being used in the sense of being lied to or defrauded, as people were then saying “he f***ed me” in the sense of being cheated out of money.

F*** appeared to have become a highly commonplace swear by World War I, where historians note that the word f*** had also managed to become a way to represent urgency.  Soldiers knew that if a sergeant said “get your rifles”, it was a routine order, but if he said “get your f***ing rifles” it meant there was danger and you had to grab your gun right f***ing quick!

Uses have continued to develop as the word f*** has not only overshadowed almost all other English swears (older words that are so not-swears now that they don’t even need to be censored, like ‘bloody’ or ‘bugger’), it sometimes even seems f***ing poised to consume the f*** out of our whole Anglo-Norman tongue itself. 

Its use as a descriptive term to suggest injury or damage, as in “I’m going to f*** you up, b****” only came around during the WWI period as well; and “f***ed up” as in something really gross or sick came even later. 

“F*** off” as a term meaning ‘go away’ didn’t show up until the 1930s.  The usage of “f***-all” to mean ‘nothing’, only seems to have first come about around 1960. Compound words like “f***wit” are even newer.

F*** can also be descriptive: someone might be a “sad f***”, or a “mean f***er”. It can refer not only to the verb of sexual intercourse, but to the accomplishment of the experience itself; as in “Mary was one sweet f***”.

It can represent value, and the lack of interest, all at once: “I don’t give a f***”.  As “f*** this” it can represent surrender or futility.

It can even represent agreement or elation, as “f*** yeah!”; which might mean “I agree with you” or it might mean “hooray”.  A word like “motherf***er” is even crazier: it can mean someone despicable or someone utterly awesome, usually only distinguishable by tone or context. That means that in some applications of “f***”, the only way to make clear which is by having the verbal intelligence to apply it right and interpret it right.

Sometimes, the uses of f*** even evolve.  The word “clusterf***” came around in the swinging 1960s to mean group sex, but by the late ’60s was taken up by the US Military as a slang term for when everything was really and truly f***ing f***ed up beyond all f***ing recognition.

So you see, f*** is one f***ing smart word.

But I think the scientists have got it backward: people aren’t smarter because they swear, it’s just that more smart people are drawn to swear, because of just how b**********ly g****** stupid everyone else is. 

There are times which just f***ing DEMAND profanity. Like when some m*********ing c*** piece of s*** is f****ing s****ing out total b*******and acting like a little b**** that knows what the f*** he’s saying. That b**** needs a f***ing online a*****ing on a g****** biblical level.

And the more intelligent you are, the more you’ll be f***ed over by your own perceptiveness into seeing the dumb-f*** idiocy of the people around you, and that will drive you to swearing.

Especially those f***s who try to pretend it’s not educated or smart to swear.  F*** them right in the ***.

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