Study Reveals What Would Actually Happen If An Asteroid Hit New York City

Finally, the answer to a question we’ve all been asking. What would happen if an asteroid nearly the size of a football field collided with New York City? NASA knows the answer, and the findings are, of course, terrifying.

First off, the asteroid would kill two-and-a-half-million-people pretty instantly. That’s like if everyone who follows the official Poison fan page on Facebook ceased to be in the blink of an eye.

Every asteroid has its thorn.

The impact of a three-hundred-and-twenty-eight-foot-asteroid colliding with New York would immediately level every building within 2.14 miles of the asteroid’s collision point. Any building within 4.52 miles of asteroid’s impact zone would most likely collapse and any living thing within 12.05 miles of the asteroid smash place would probably suffer at least some type of radiation burn.

You + Radiation Burn = This

In short, it would be pretty damn awful. No matter where it landed, this asteroid could take out half of Manhattan or a large chunk of the Bronx. Fortunately, The United States has a little known contingency plan for asteroids that I find really interesting.

First, we’ll hire a bunch of oil company drillers and then train them to be astronauts. We don’t want a seasoned group of uniformed drillers who are good at following orders though. Oh no. If the first words that come to mind when thinking of this group isn’t “ragtag” or “misfits,” then you’d better go all the way back to square one, sister.

After we take this team of oil company drillers and teach them how to fly a space shuttle, we’ll have them land on the asteroid, plant a nuke in it, and then blow it to smithereens.

It doesn’t matter that the shuttle program has been retired for years.

To cap it all off, we’ll have Aerosmith write a love ballad about the mission. The music video will feature Stephen Tyler’s daughter making out with Ben Affleck or whatever.

Is this plan a huge waste of resources? Yes. If it a direct copy off of the 1990s disaster film Armageddon starring Bruce Willis? Yes. Is it stupid? Yes, but dammit, it’s all we have.

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