2017 was a hell of a year, to say the least. There were a few highs, several lows, and many months where I thought, “It’s still 2017?” But as I reflect on this past year, there’s one moment that stands out from all the rest. One moment that haunts my dreams, makes me sweat, and still bewilders me. It’s a watershed event that changed the course of culture forever—we’re all different people because of it. I’m talking, of course, about the Veronica and Archie shower sex scene from Riverdale. When historians write about us 100 years from now, they’ll think about this scene and shudder—because it’s just that intense.
But wait, were you sleeping for the entire year and missed out on what happened? Here’s a brief synopsis, if so: In the first episode of season two, Archie’s father, Fred, is shot by the Black Hood and rushed to the hospital. Archie, who was with his father during the shooting and is bloodied up himself, stays at the hospital for hours before going home—with Veronica—to get some rest. He’s clearly shaken up and decides to take a shower and clean the residual blood off his skin, as any normal person would.
All of this grief is an aphrodisiac for Veronica, though, because she follows Archie into the bathroom, strips naked, and hops into the shower with him—as his father’s blood swirls down the drain. They then proceed to make out feverishly and presumably bang. In the shower. With Fred Andrews’ blood in it.
Watch it for yourself, below. My head is honestly spinning reliving this again.
What the hell is even happening here? I’m aroused and horrified and confused all at once. But mostly just confused, because the events leading up to this Bloody Shower Bone just don’t add up. Let’s break things down, shall we?
First, we have Archie. Archie’s sad. Look how he’s pursing his lips here—normally he has a goofy grin on his face. But not now: This is the face of a sad, very hot dude.
A sad, very hot dude with a cast. A cast that’s covered in blood.
See the blood circling the drain? That’s his father’s blood. His father, who has just been shot.
Now, here’s Veronica. Veronica knows her boyfriend is sad, but she doesn’t know how to comfort him. She’s confused.
So, naturally, her first thought is, “Hmmm, maybe some sex will help Archie get over the fact his father was shot at point-blank range by a masked psychopath.”
And Archie’s like, “Wow, I’m not sad anymore. Sure, Veronica, hop in here and let’s have sex! Just watch out for my father’s blood! Ha!”
Finally, they kiss. DOES ARCHIE STILL HAVE BLOOD ON HIS HANDS?! Look how red they are! And why did Veronica take off everything but her pearl jewelery? So many questions, but zero answers. All we know is that this scene went from devastating to steamy in point-five seconds. These teens move quickly.
This scene polarized Riverdale fans. Half of them thought Varchie’s bloody shower sex was hot; the other half thought it was downright creepy. Oddly, I’m somewhere in the middle. This is KJ Apa and Camila Mendes, after all. They’re hot people! They could make out on a pile of literal garbage while wearing trash bags, and it’d still be saucy. But the fact of the matter is they boned while Fred Andrews’ blood was still warm on the floor. That’s weird, no matter how you dice it—and no matter how hot Apa and Mendes are.
This isn’t kink-shaming, either. It’s the simple fact that Archie was beside himself over his dad one minute, and the next he was making out with Veronica in the friggin’ shower. In what world…does that happen? None. The answer is none. That’s not how human emotion works—not even for teens with names like “Jughead.”
But in true Riverdale fan fashion, please leave me to watch this scene on repeat and fantasize about being Veronica.